Results? “Lots of sex, an average of acceptable quality. Few broken boxes. And several friends, usually with a few years older than me, sometimes I see. ” Contenta? S. sends a sideways glance, “It’s a meaningless question. Apart from the disappointments of the past, the boyfriend is a luxury I can not afford. Indeed, from this point of view also the Summer of Love, the free love of the 60s and 70s lived by my mother, now require unrealistic costs and labors. And then I’ve wondered many times: the mother was really in control of her sexuality, before meeting dad and realize that he was one with which to plan your life? “. Yes, Tinder makes it economically more efficient every move.
And that’s the point. Obviously, it takes a partner to make love. But the ways, the prices and the etiquette, express or implied, with which they are known, valued and engaged, are always a matter of economy, today marked by irregular revenue and immeasurable of Millennial mobility.
the finding comes from an unmistakeable flavor Yorker essay, Labour of Love: the Invention of Moira Weigel Dating, thirty, writer and journalist Brooklyn. That “catch” a boyfriend or girlfriend has always been a purely individual matter but superconnessa to GDP and to the class struggle, perhaps we know, and he knows better Weigel. Which in fact traveling in time through the pages: the modern dating is born with the industrial revolution, when women come in platoons into work and pour into the city. The secretaries that “out to dinner” with the boss, the shopgirl department stores, orders that become sophisticated copying the chic style of the customer and then married wealthy bachelors. The couples of teenagers consumerist boom. The playboy son of entrepreneurs and Cosmogirl good family. The single-bar crowded Manhattan discreetly hostesses and models. Yuppies and expensive escort; the neozitelle career; the top of Silicon Valley managers that freeze ova with company benefits … And finally digital dater, acrobats bearer of hookup cultures or new-culture-of-sex-casual: in the US alone generate sales of 2.2 billion dollars (up to 2019 the growth will be 100 million dollars a year); and decreed the success of the app of IAC / Interactive Corp giant, namely Match.com, OkCupid and especially Tinder (which sports the legendary, mysterious algorithm Elo and 26 million daily match). Overall in the world, the daters are about 91 million (in Italy more or less 9000, and in 2014 grew by 30% each year).
But it is not just for quste astonishing figures that the Dating Economy 2.0 is the Gig Economy mirror of these interim years, and that is a demand and supply of skills and services with clearly marked expiration dates. In summary, one being in the world that no longer provides for fixed seats, even under the sheets. There is also an erotic vocabulary changes. You upgrade, you affaristisco and financial mixes brutality pop to business jargon and vocabulary of power: Moira Weigel, who Tinder has monitored his stunts and friends, he cites reach out (to get in communication, to see if you can do something), follow-up (what to communicate after an advertising campaign, the better: after being in bed together), shopping around (let’s see ‘what’s convenient around), to the more obvious friends with benefits , invest in a relationship, return on investment (profitability ratio of invested capital!), on / off the market, and the most misogynist of all, damage goods (better not to translate.)
“It’s the ‘the most contemporary expression of see-choose-I click-meeting mode. No commitment, if that’s okay so it is ok, otherwise greetings and kisses, ‘summarizes Marco Rossi, psychiatrist, sexologist and president of the Italian Society of Sexology and sexual education. Yeah, because then there is the real flexibility, the hearts that know no feelings even if temporary. We need to be competitive and competitive, and even sex enters into a series of services to be when you can, and program where you can, maybe in the same cafe or bio from the same place of coworking and with the same tablet that commits us for hours “detachment”, the dry indifference, brilliant and professional, is the watchword, and “u still up?”, “are you still standing?”, is the message that you type at 2 am, because the phone call that warns “I’ll pick for dinner” is now industrial archeology. An exhibit that tells the story of those who had taken indefinitely and worked from 9 to 17, excluding weekends.
“ The detachment,” disengage “, is part of the practiced half . It is the language of an environment in which the affective dimension has a cost, before and after sex. It establishes the boundaries of one night and just puts the stakes, makes everything “safe”, “explains John Artieri Boccia, Professor of Sociology of digital media and Internet Studies (Department of Communication Sciences, Humanities and International Studies), University of Urbino Carlo Bo.
“ is a loving insecurity ,” says Annalisa Pistuddi, psychotherapist and psychoanalyst, expert on sexology and technological dependencies. “Find who you match instantly. Are you the gift of the moment, the package-gift, perfectly decorated with bows, to send to another pack-gift. In online dating the Millennial all you seek, all you offer, but all must then work on a double fantasy: the package-to-self and the making-of the other. A dual commitment, in short. That’s why, on balance, for many the dating is more strenuous than a stable relationship. “
Weigel could not agree more, not for anything his essay entitled Labour of Love, the hard work of love, and ends thus alluding to the nth task exhausting and alienating left the hunchback of the last generations. “What now give almost for granted the hit-and-run. To which can only respond continuously calibrating their expectations, “says Pistuddi. “What we take for granted, in my opinion, it is rather the hyperspeed of choice. Which entails the explicit juggle places that no longer require the game of seduction. Banalizzo: the site “@ cercounatipa soloperstanotte” eliminates the aperitif bar, which touches you guess who it is and who is not, “added Rossi. “Women? Do not dominate, in Tinder. But regulating the ritual: they are they who start the chat, after the app has created the match. The males are likely to look like the ones we “try it now”, and generally on the third exchange in the chat are cleared. And as they start the approach? Be ‘, the most skillful certainly not with an awkward “Hello!”, But rather with a “But really you in the picture?”, Which probe and patrols “Boccia Artieri specific.
And here you touches a sore spot. The work of love, is all the more precarious and online, and the more it seems to reproduce gender stereotypes . Because women, especially girls, if sobbarcano with more study and less satisfaction. Must “brandizzarsi”, make them fair, free but not entirely, alarm clocks pretend but not aggressive, putting a damper on emotions and feelings, to dodge the ingenuity finalized (and if you become a Tinderella?) And the collapse of reputation ( you may not be a Tinderslut?). They must, in short, learning to play as a male, but without showing it. And often tell at a glance who will pay the bill. After all, warns Weigel, what today it is a world of freelance sex, and a night of love, my girls, is nothing more than a free stage. At most useful to gain experience.
The London-based writer Sophie Lewis puts it down a bit ‘harder and causes us to fear that higher rents, the crisis, occasional work may help build the new techno-machismo. With its female sexual neoprecariato, made of single women & amp; poor & amp; emancipated than in the dating get used to pretend available but disinterested. “They are economically sterile ‘, proclaimed by the Times pages another English intellectual, Daisy Buchanan. That s’include in the generation of those who can indulge in some exotic trip, some Diptyque candle, a few square meters in the center, to be more “appetizing” and lightning in procuring prestigious projects. But never a relaxing sentimental life, let alone a family. “And who has more desire to fall in love with the tuition fees still to be paid?”, Quips.
“The girerei so: these anxieties as performance and existential quest’egoismo hurt the pleasure, especially that female. And enhance new skills. The virtual commitment, which is a job, of course, and very profitable, moreover, does not oblige us more to learn how to seduce, but as appearing. The words, today, are more of the facts’, regrets Marco Rossi. Pistuddi mitigates: “Of course, some would claim to be Tinder more, even if it says. I know in advance, in accordance with the partner disappears after a time or two. It’s part of the deal. But every time she hopes at least a lover, not a fighter male gratification that does not compromise his self, who do not put in the square weaknesses and fragility. “
Boccia Artieri though contextualizes. “Some characteristics of the erotic insecurity are those of the university Use. Because they are a mix of biographical factors, culture and particular attitude to the intermediary means. Tinder replaced the confraternities, unpacked parties … And not produced deviance, indeed, created a reliable network, not a new species of losers. He has raised a generation that has learned to put in brackets the world, who enjoys the ‘ “last moment” before the true life, before taking on the debt of the studies. Tinder, in the US, is not an app mass. ” He adds that the economistic approach and cautiously Marxist scholars of the Anglo-Saxons should be made clear, because you are talking about poor instincts and youth: “The dating binds the information economy, rather than the economy in general.” So? “Then” you “are the content. “You are” in the window. As long as you like. The Millennial mark the growth of individualism, but you know looking for a community, a family, children. Tinder is their experiment, their phase-college. The cause and the effect. It is perhaps a way to not make the mistakes of their parents. “
Way: both Moira Weigel Daisy Buchanan found the better half. They do not work from 9 to 17, but they’re in love.
More
Here’s the latest news on the web and in bookstores on the topic of dating. n Once, the marriage agency in an app: one partner per day, 24 hours to like each other, Simone Cosimi, (repubblica.it/tecnologia/social-network/2016/06/07/news/once_dating-141476457/ ). No American Girls. Social Media and the Secret Lives of Teenagers, Nancy Jo Sales, 2016 (Knopf). No Available: A Memoir of Heartbreak, Hookups, Love and Brunch, Matteson Perry, 2016 (Scribner). n The social effects of the web. Forms of communication and methods of online search, John Boccia Artieri and AAVV, (Franco Angeli).
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